Deus Ex Machina

So I've been kinda sorta thinking about doing this and really I needed a bit of a forum to vent (hence the title). Imma document my longest consecutive time outside the Unites States and I had my first real moment of culture shock today.

I spent two semesters learning Chinese and two months forgetting most of it. Now I'm here in Taipei with all these obsolete plans to really engage myself in the culture but really I feel super trapped. This happens every time.

Paris was ok, because our time there was short. I knew just enough French to get by and they knew just enough English so I could get most things done. The short stint in Japan was alright too.

I think maybe in the end I'm just a control freak and I am in control of nothing here. My Chinese sucks. It really sucks. I'm not really in a rush to learn it since I consider it a bit of a long-term battle, but if I'm not going to exert myself here then when am I really going to have the chance.

The bigger problem may be living with the in-laws. They are super nice; I'm basically their non-Chinese speaking son. But I live on my toes, I can't really let myself let loose, and I don't feel like I can make my own schedule (even though I probably could).

I don't know how people do it. Asian people move in with their in-laws all the time. Either they're super good at maintaining the front or they're super good at not caring. I suck at both. Yeah, basically I feel like I suck.

And I eat too much. I'm sick of eating. The people who know me know that I just don't eat that much anymore.

Today, V asked me if I wanted to see the new house. I kind of just figured everyone was going so I said, "sure" to be nice. Turns out only me and ba were going. Can't back out now. So we went to do a traditional ceremonial offering. We set the food out onto a designated table and then apparently the food was supposed to be out on that table for an hour or so.

We turned on the TV, he went to take a shower, I disengagedly flipped between two pretty sweet movies, and had a totemo hisashiburi moment with a cup of coffee.

I miss good beer and good coffee; I don't even drink that much beer.

Two hours or so later we went back and I had no idea how any of this had happened.

Well that's enough ranting. I was planning to acquire some therapeutic effect but now I only feel self-loathing.

Ok no more depressive crap. I'm gonna try to take pictures. I think I'll want to remember all this stuff. I'm totally not a picture person, but V is gonna love it if I exert myself in this fashion.

P.S. she's a creme brulee snob and I love that about her. I just wish she would stop listening on other people's conversations and spend two seconds with the one person who has no one else to talk to.

P.P.S what a miserable intro. I'll do better. Promise